The Old Lady Got Out of The Car

A few months before my 80th birthday I was sitting across from a police officer at the West LA Motor Vehicle Court House where I had been summoned.
I told the officer what had happened; a kid on a bike ran a light, my light turned green and I inched into the intersection. I watched him topple over, fall off the bike, dust himself off and walk into the schoolyard. I got out of the car shaking, asking if he was ok, many I’m so sorries.
I’d like to read you the victims statement. He confirms your account, his statement concluding that “The Old Lady Got out of the Car and said I’m sorry”.
I flinched and smiled at the officer. “I agree with everything he said except The Old lady description.” He smiled back, “I questioned whether I should share that with you”.
I was shocked, it was the first time anyone had referred to me as an old lady. It felt like the first time I was offered the Senior Discount at Souplantation
What do they see that I don’t see? I am not old. I work, I work out, I wear distressed jeans, I talk dirty. I read the New Yorker and the NYTimes. I text, email; the millennials think I’m dope, hip, cool. I like to shock people out of their boxes ,I have a subversive sense of humor.
My essence isn’t old. But the gap between who I see and know and who the world sees is growing. I stare at women who look old to me and want to ask them their age. Do I look that old?
I read that 80 is the new 60, who are we kidding? I worked long and hard to escape labels, being defined by the perceptions of other people.To the world I am a Senior, A graying consumer, a grandmother. It’s a real mind fuck. You struggle for 80 years to know who you are separate from your conditioning and the expectations of others. You risk rejection, judgement, disapproval in the process of becoming your divine, authentic, essential self and then you become invisible.
Souls are ageless and gender-less. If you have nourished them they flourish with age. Unfortunately souls aren’t valued in our culture. You can’t see them, measure them compare them to others. You can’t buy them. You can sell them however, and too many do.