Doing Life

I was talking with a friend this morning who is quarantined in an 8\10 room alone. She was enthusiastically telling me how she had mapped out the long day ahead….” I have my weights, my yoga mat, books, meditation apps, a full and meaningful day.”
I thought about all the “ lifers” I had met over the years who spent decades in a small cell, not only not going nuts, but thriving physically, growing emotionally and spiritually. They were the most resilient and exalted people I had ever known. I was humbled by the freedom they found in imprisonment, the willingness to “choose life.”

I felt ashamed by how often and how quickly I went to despair over all the meaningless nothings I catastrophized over daily.
I told her, hey you’re doing life! And then I realized we are all learning to do life, imprisoned by this frivolous, virulent virus that is controlling our lives: where to go, where and when and how to eat, who to hang out with, just like jail.

Just like the “lifers” some of us are going crazy, killing ourselves, blaming something or someone, and some of us are learning and adapting and developing new skills. We are learning to detach from the “small stuff” to which we have given such power over us.
This week after our Christmas Eve plans were cancelled due to an abundance of caution, I had to laugh at myself for all the costumes I put on and took off in my head, the worry about what guest gift to bring, how to wrap it, could we bring the dog?

A part of me is always relieved when plans are cancelled. I stopped worrying, put on sweats, toasted Shabbat with wine, Challah and the Italian charcuterie we had ordered from Zabars as a guest gift and watched Blue Blood reruns with my Beloved.