Institutional Enablers
Anyone who has ever loved an addict or tried to help an addict knows what it means to be an enabler. Every addictive family system has one. The enabler is the one who helps prolong or facilitate the person’s addiction by removing the natural consequences of the addictive behavior. They deny the severity of the problem, try to control or manipulate the addict, and/or blame others for the problem. They keep the addicts secrets, believe his lies, make excuses for his unacceptable behaviors, they bail the addict out of jail or out of financial difficulty, pay to repair the car he has crashed driving while drunk, hire an expensive attorney to keep him out of jail, pay his rent and cellphone, and send him to psychiatrists for a diagnosis other than addiction with magic medicine to “fix” him. They lay blame on his/her spouse, friends, employers, probation officer, or his most recent rehab. His parents often blame each other… “if only you ___ ____ ____”.
Their enabling prevents incentives for the addict to change. What propels them to keep doing the same thing, expecting different results? In the family system, the addict is the “identified patient”, revealing the secrets the family is hiding. He is the evidence of their shame and guilt, the proof that they have “failed” as parents, that their family does not fit the picture of perfection, “what will the neighbors think?”
They are afraid, “If I cut him off, he will be on the street, in jail, or dead. I would never forgive myself.” Emotionally, the enabler is terrified that refusing the addict’s demands will make him feel unloved or equally frightened, that he will stop loving them.
Breaking the addictive cycle begins with the enabler accepting that they did not cause the addiction, they cannot cure it, or control it. They are as addicted to enabling as the addict is to drugs, alcohol, or gambling. Their recovery is to protect themselves, to not allow the addict’s behavior to put them in jeopardy. They have to learn to “just say no” to bail outs, “loans”, mutual bribes and manipulations. They need their own support group and program of recovery as they face their own feelings of guilt, shame and fear.
Most of us who live with or work with addicts and addicted families are familiar with Institutions as Enablers.
I, like many others, have been fascinated by the salacious USC scandal involving Dr. Puliafito, the former dean of USC Keck School of Medicine. The story shook us out of our collective denial that a prominent, respected, physician could be a drug addict, cavorting with thieves and hookers by night, running a medical school by day. The even bigger story, I think, was the cover-up by both the police department and USC. I think it was Churchill who said, “It’s never the crime, it’s the cover-up.” What allowed USC to jeopardize its integrity, reputation and ultimately, its financial wellbeing by ignoring the obvious signs of Puliafito’s bad behavior, denying what others saw clearly, stone-walling with reporters and lying to the public?
The obvious and easy answer is simple greed. The doctor was a masterful fundraiser and the university’s presidents (and trustees) are addicted to the size of their research grants and endowments. Dr. Puliafito was permitted (or encouraged) to poach researchers and thus grants from other universities resulting in a large lawsuit with UCLA. A recent New York Times article suggested that Dr. Puliafito’s testimony is critical to their case and hence he may have perjured himself in his deposition.
The case is ongoing, the doctor has lost all credibility and it is likely USC will lose the case, resulting in a hefty payout to UCLA.
Although greed is certainly part of the answer, it is only the tip of the cultural iceberg of the institutional addictions to prestige, perfection and metrics. Being the “best” attracts donors and students, continually funding the endowment, attracting more grants and researchers. Just as the individual addict is trapped, both Dr. Puliafito and USC were prisoners of this cycle. The doctor couldn’t come clean “and hold on to his job and his perch of perfection, USC couldn’t allow him to come clean and keep its grants, donors and status. Just as the individual addict is evidence of his parent’s failure, the doctor was evidence that USC had made a big mistake in hiring and empowering him. They were locked together in collusion, compelled to keep each other’s secrets.
Addiction is a progressive disease inevitably resulting in jails, institutions or deaths without outside intervention, the process of denial, the delusion that ignoring it will make it go away, guarantees the destructive crash to the bottom. The addict overdoses, gets arrested, gets fired, kills someone driving drunk or is witness to someone else’s overdose (as in the case of Dr. Puliafito) the truth is exposed, not initially setting everyone free. The system goes unto damage control. Here, attorneys find someone to blame. The family’s “golden child” is suddenly the “identified patient”. The doctor on whom we bestowed our highest honor is no longer one of us. We strip him of his medals, demand his punishment… “We had no idea he lied to us; not our fault, we are not responsible.”
Dr. Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote, “Some are guilty, all are responsible.” I am suggesting that we are all responsible for perpetuating institutional and family systems that require deception, delusion and denial in order to maintain the image of perfection our culture demands. As observers and avid consumers of scandal, we too are responsible. Those “falls from grace”, exposures of “naked emperors”, feed our collective schadenfreude, reasoning us that “we aren’t as bad as we thought”, “at least we are better than they are.” We collectively “cluck”, “Can you believe it?” Our heroes have clay feet after all, the mighty have fallen. We clean up the messes with pleasuring the addictive system.
Dr. Puliafito’s career is ruined. He will probably lose his license to practice medicine. His wife may leave him, his children will share his shame. USC will probably lose some of its grants and donors and students suffer severe financial losses. Its reputation has been tarnished, its integrity questioned. Will the doctor get the help he needs to recover? Will the university learn a lesson? Will we look at ourselves and our own addiction to schadenfreude?
USC is not unique; No institutions are exempt from the damage of addiction and enabling. Teachers sleep with underage students, priests molest altar boys, rabbis have affairs with congregants and molest yeshiva boys due to sexual addictions, CEOs and high ranking executives embezzle money as a result of compulsive gambling. We go into collective shock. How could a CEO betray their fiduciary responsibilities? How could an educator or mental health professional seduce a vulnerable students or a patient? The truth is that “the brighter the light, the darker the shadow.” The people upon whom we project our needs for perfection, the ones we place on pedestals, are particularly vulnerable to the comforts of addictive distractions and chemical soothing. The institutions (synagogues, churches, universities, hospitals, community-based organizations, and corporations) that protect and enable them will inevitably be exposed and embarrassed.
Update: October 11th, 2021:
And now USC is again front-page news, challenged by the victims of Dr.George Tyndall to be held responsible for his years of sexual misconduct. Why was his behavior covered up for so long, did USC’s power and influence insulate the administrators from criminal inquiry?
The victims have alleged that Jackie Lacey’s close ties and relationship with USC shielded Max Niklas and other administrators from investigation and possible prosecution. She of course denied the allegation and claimed the prosecutor’s office never received evidence of aiding and abetting. The victims question why USC didn’t report Dr.Tyndall to the Medical board until after the la times began investigating the story.
Why do so many of our institutions, churches/synagogues, corporations continue to cover up and enable wrongdoing by their prominent leaders? They enable the wrongdoer and the wrongdoing of the enabling entity.
I believe the answer is the same for entities as it is for individuals. We are addicted to perfection, hiding in shame from our imperfect, flawed selves. We curate our image and appearances, valuing “optics” over accountability, convincing ourselves and others that how it looks is how it is. We blame others for our misdeeds. The hiding and coverups began in the Garden of Eden and have been passed down from generation to generation. Enough!!!!
We have the solution. We know that what we don’t own, owns us. It’s time to come clean come out of hiding, accept responsibility for our mistakes and misdeeds, make amends, ask for and offer forgiveness, and stop worshipping idols of “perfection”.